I am woman, hear me ROAR!
When I was 13 I used to wish I was born a boy. I used to dress like a boy, I used to hang with the boys, and have the same interests such as collecting basketball cards and BB guns like a boy. To me back then, being a girl in life was so unfair.
Growing up my mother always told me that as a girl I had to be more 'careful', and things my brother was able to do I couldn't do. I hated being a girl just for the fact I couldn't do what Danny did. Why was life so unfair?! Why did I have to be born a girl?!
After my parents divorce, my mother bitterly taught me few things about men and life:
No wonder I grew up wanting to be a boy. I wanted to be the stronger sex, I wanted to get the same sort of opportunitys and respect men had! My mother had unknowingly brought me up to be a feminist. I always felt I had to be just as good as my male counter parts, if not better. To be feminine is to be weak. After all, apart from some minor biological differences, males and females are fundamentally the same, right? Wrong.
"To be feminine is a special kind of strength. It's a different, appealing kind of power that allows a woman to influence her world in a way quite distinct from the way a man influences the world. It pleased the Lord to create woman to complement man, not to compete with him or be a more rounded copy of him. 1 Corinthians 11:7 says that man is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. Femininity isn't weakness; it's the glorious, splendid crown on humanity." - Sue Bohlin (Probe Ministries)
God gave us different commands for husbands and wives, because he created us differently. The God-given strengths of a woman were given to bring glory to God through her womanly differences - Wow. What a revelation!
Every day I am learning to celebrate my womanhood, not mourn it!
Growing up my mother always told me that as a girl I had to be more 'careful', and things my brother was able to do I couldn't do. I hated being a girl just for the fact I couldn't do what Danny did. Why was life so unfair?! Why did I have to be born a girl?!
After my parents divorce, my mother bitterly taught me few things about men and life:
- Women have more to lose than men
- Women are the weaker sex
- Men get more opportunitys than women
No wonder I grew up wanting to be a boy. I wanted to be the stronger sex, I wanted to get the same sort of opportunitys and respect men had! My mother had unknowingly brought me up to be a feminist. I always felt I had to be just as good as my male counter parts, if not better. To be feminine is to be weak. After all, apart from some minor biological differences, males and females are fundamentally the same, right? Wrong.
"To be feminine is a special kind of strength. It's a different, appealing kind of power that allows a woman to influence her world in a way quite distinct from the way a man influences the world. It pleased the Lord to create woman to complement man, not to compete with him or be a more rounded copy of him. 1 Corinthians 11:7 says that man is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. Femininity isn't weakness; it's the glorious, splendid crown on humanity." - Sue Bohlin (Probe Ministries)
God gave us different commands for husbands and wives, because he created us differently. The God-given strengths of a woman were given to bring glory to God through her womanly differences - Wow. What a revelation!
Every day I am learning to celebrate my womanhood, not mourn it!
To tithe or not to tithe - That is the question.
As a non-believing friend once said to me, "Giving money to the church is the churches way of extortion" - Is it really?
I used to think that. Tithe? Whats that? Never heard of that before... No tithing is something that I don't do. Something that I can't afford to do. Amoungst paying my rent, bills, feeding my cats, and the basics of food - tithing is the last thing on my list of 'Things to do'.
People always said to me that 'tithing is releasing God's blessings on yourself.' and that 'if you don't tithe youre robbing God of what is his.' I knew this. Yet I did not tithe. Everytime pay day rolled around I said to God, "God, I can't afford to give you a tithe this week. If I could afford it I would, but I can't so I won't. Sorry." And went on my merry way struggling to make ends meet.
Earlier in the week whilst sitting in church, Pastor Gerard was talking about tithing at offering time. He said the same thing as every other week about giving; 'Give to God whats His and he will bless you.' but this time he added: "I dont get those people who don't tithe, don't you want to be blessed?? Its stupid not to tithe!". That got to me. But I still wasn't quite convinced.
I thought to God: 'I'm going to Hong Kong in a week, Lord. You know I need the money! Okay, fine, I trust you and all that - but will I get a blessing in time for my trip? I heard blessings can take a while to come!' So here I was bargining with God about my blessing: God if I tithe, I need you to meet this and this requirement. I didn't hear God respond that day but this week I decided to put tithing on my 'Things to do' list.
I got paid today. And instead of doing my usual allocating of money I decided that if I wanted to really give God my 'first fruits' I should proberly take the money out of my wages then and there before anything else. So I went down to the shops to get money out. 'God I hope youre happy' I thought, 'I am happy I am giving this to you, but I hope I can pay my bills!' I came home, and went to declare my wages for Centerlink (Australia's social welfare system). On centerlink, after you declare your wages, it tells you how much you will be recieving for the next fornight, and lo' and behold! I was getting paid $50 more than usual and for no apparent reason! Thank you God!
To tithe or not to tithe? Definately tithe - its made a believer of me.
I used to think that. Tithe? Whats that? Never heard of that before... No tithing is something that I don't do. Something that I can't afford to do. Amoungst paying my rent, bills, feeding my cats, and the basics of food - tithing is the last thing on my list of 'Things to do'.
People always said to me that 'tithing is releasing God's blessings on yourself.' and that 'if you don't tithe youre robbing God of what is his.' I knew this. Yet I did not tithe. Everytime pay day rolled around I said to God, "God, I can't afford to give you a tithe this week. If I could afford it I would, but I can't so I won't. Sorry." And went on my merry way struggling to make ends meet.
Earlier in the week whilst sitting in church, Pastor Gerard was talking about tithing at offering time. He said the same thing as every other week about giving; 'Give to God whats His and he will bless you.' but this time he added: "I dont get those people who don't tithe, don't you want to be blessed?? Its stupid not to tithe!". That got to me. But I still wasn't quite convinced.
I thought to God: 'I'm going to Hong Kong in a week, Lord. You know I need the money! Okay, fine, I trust you and all that - but will I get a blessing in time for my trip? I heard blessings can take a while to come!' So here I was bargining with God about my blessing: God if I tithe, I need you to meet this and this requirement. I didn't hear God respond that day but this week I decided to put tithing on my 'Things to do' list.
I got paid today. And instead of doing my usual allocating of money I decided that if I wanted to really give God my 'first fruits' I should proberly take the money out of my wages then and there before anything else. So I went down to the shops to get money out. 'God I hope youre happy' I thought, 'I am happy I am giving this to you, but I hope I can pay my bills!' I came home, and went to declare my wages for Centerlink (Australia's social welfare system). On centerlink, after you declare your wages, it tells you how much you will be recieving for the next fornight, and lo' and behold! I was getting paid $50 more than usual and for no apparent reason! Thank you God!
To tithe or not to tithe? Definately tithe - its made a believer of me.
Feeling Nervous?
I hate feeling nervous. Nervousness makes me stutter. Its very unbecoming.
Meeting new people makes me nervous, I am going to Hong Kong in a week and I will be meeting alot of new people. The thought of that makes me all jittery.
I get apprehensive about talking to strange unfamiliar boys, I never know if I should look them in the eye. And then theres that bloody stuttering problem.
I'm getting baptised this Sunday, I'm nervous about walking in front of 400+ people in all my swimsuit glory. Board shorts or no board shorts, its 400 people - I might as well be naked.
But at least I won't have to talk, last thing I want is 400 people to hear me stutter.
Meeting new people makes me nervous, I am going to Hong Kong in a week and I will be meeting alot of new people. The thought of that makes me all jittery.
I get apprehensive about talking to strange unfamiliar boys, I never know if I should look them in the eye. And then theres that bloody stuttering problem.
I'm getting baptised this Sunday, I'm nervous about walking in front of 400+ people in all my swimsuit glory. Board shorts or no board shorts, its 400 people - I might as well be naked.
But at least I won't have to talk, last thing I want is 400 people to hear me stutter.
Material Girls.
Don't you wish sometimes you had a really great wardrobe of clothes? You know, like full of designer labels, and basically some really cool stuff?
I feel like that sometimes. Unfortunately (or could it be fortunately?) for me I dont have the sort of budget that could support that kind of expenditure. Then again on second thought, these days I don't really seem to have much of a budget for anything.
I've never been big on clothes. So much that I'm even reluctuant to pay more than $20 for a peice of clothing. Instead I love browsing op shops - Sure you have to sift through everything till you find something decent, but I find it so much more rewarding, especially if the price tag says $2...
I remember in high school, I used to be friends with a girl who only would buy expensive brands. I remember going shopping with her once and she wouldn't even go in to the stores I shopped in because she felt they were below her. That was an interesting experiance.
Maybe I am sounding cheap, but I honestly think its possible to look good without having to fork out half your life savings. Some of the best things I've ever owned have been given to me and over 70% of the things I own are 2nd hand.
Its so easy to pay and arm and a leg for a top that looks good, but when you find a genuine bargin that looks great for a fraction of the price? Thats priceless.
I feel like that sometimes. Unfortunately (or could it be fortunately?) for me I dont have the sort of budget that could support that kind of expenditure. Then again on second thought, these days I don't really seem to have much of a budget for anything.
I've never been big on clothes. So much that I'm even reluctuant to pay more than $20 for a peice of clothing. Instead I love browsing op shops - Sure you have to sift through everything till you find something decent, but I find it so much more rewarding, especially if the price tag says $2...
I remember in high school, I used to be friends with a girl who only would buy expensive brands. I remember going shopping with her once and she wouldn't even go in to the stores I shopped in because she felt they were below her. That was an interesting experiance.
Maybe I am sounding cheap, but I honestly think its possible to look good without having to fork out half your life savings. Some of the best things I've ever owned have been given to me and over 70% of the things I own are 2nd hand.
Its so easy to pay and arm and a leg for a top that looks good, but when you find a genuine bargin that looks great for a fraction of the price? Thats priceless.
I hope the Pier has benches...
Okay, I was joking about having to sleep at the Star Ferry Pier when I get to Hong Kong, but from the looks of it now, it seems a likely possiblity. With only a week and a half till I board the plane I have not been able to get in touch with any of my family over there to organise acommadation! I'm trying to stay calm because its all in Gods good hands, but I'm curious to see whats going to happen.
Been going through my old Hong Kong phonebooks trying to call people, someone, ANYONE. But seems either people aren't at home yet at 6pm or the phone numbers aren't working anymore. Sigh.
Worst comes to worst, I think I'll have to just rock up at my grandma's door suitcases and all, but thats if I can even remember how to get there...
Been going through my old Hong Kong phonebooks trying to call people, someone, ANYONE. But seems either people aren't at home yet at 6pm or the phone numbers aren't working anymore. Sigh.
Worst comes to worst, I think I'll have to just rock up at my grandma's door suitcases and all, but thats if I can even remember how to get there...
A Superhuman or just Human?
I've always had this preconceived notion that Christians were like Superhumans. You know, like, they love everyone, they are slow to anger, they don't worry, they forgive easily and they are generous and giving - after all you know, we have an ALL POWERFUL God! Silly me, I guess I forgot. It was Jesus who was the real superhuman. We just aim to be like Him, and if we were to be described as anything it would be just human.
I think I can understand why some people think christians are hypocrites, its so easy to say "love thy neighbour" and then you see christians bickering amoungst themselves about menial things. Or even things like cliques. Its so easy to fall into the trap of saying "Hi" to the same people every week when you should also be welcoming the new people, and then you start to fall into that comfort zone of welcoming only those select people you feel comfortable with. The terrible thing about cliques is that, eventually we'll end up greeting each other on a Sunday with this facade of caring and at the same time keep each other at arms length - never too close. We need to start tearing down those walls and step out of that comfort zone!
Maybe I am naieve. I thought that because you call yourself a christian and you aim to please God, you'll reach that goal most of the time - I guess I have to realise that we are all human and we all stumble. Reality check: Christians do get angry, we may not always find it easy to forgive, we worry and well to be honest, some people are just plain harder to love. But we do try, and through Gods grace we usually make it in the end (I would like to think!). I don't know, I've never been around many christian people before, I think I am just surprised at how human some christians really are - Well, there goes my "Superhumans" theory!
I think I can understand why some people think christians are hypocrites, its so easy to say "love thy neighbour" and then you see christians bickering amoungst themselves about menial things. Or even things like cliques. Its so easy to fall into the trap of saying "Hi" to the same people every week when you should also be welcoming the new people, and then you start to fall into that comfort zone of welcoming only those select people you feel comfortable with. The terrible thing about cliques is that, eventually we'll end up greeting each other on a Sunday with this facade of caring and at the same time keep each other at arms length - never too close. We need to start tearing down those walls and step out of that comfort zone!
Maybe I am naieve. I thought that because you call yourself a christian and you aim to please God, you'll reach that goal most of the time - I guess I have to realise that we are all human and we all stumble. Reality check: Christians do get angry, we may not always find it easy to forgive, we worry and well to be honest, some people are just plain harder to love. But we do try, and through Gods grace we usually make it in the end (I would like to think!). I don't know, I've never been around many christian people before, I think I am just surprised at how human some christians really are - Well, there goes my "Superhumans" theory!
I'm just kidding...
If I got a penny every time I said something jokingly and someone thought I was being serious, I would be a very rich girl by now.
My jokes have always been generally pretty vague. I guess my brain just works in a different way because what I find amusing, most people don't get - or just don't get its meant to be a joke.
Okay I admit, I can be pretty crudely honest and extreme sometimes. But thats just me, I find humor in extreme situations. The whole idea of "what if this happened?" or "what if we did this?" is hilarious to me. A classic example is when I joked about having worms. I had said to a friend that I had been eating alot lately and then I jokingly added: "I think I have worms!". She replied:"You have worms?? Wow youre honest..." It wasn't till I explained that didn't really have worms, but it just SEEMED like I did!
I had an embarrassing moment the other day due to my vague joking - I was talking to someone from church about all the shenanigans a person we both mutually know used to get up to. We discussed one particular naughty thing that person did and then I did my evil voice impression and jokingly said "They are all going to HELL!!!". He gave me a disturbed look and I quickly said - "I'm joking!!!". I later found out that person was one of the leader people at church....Doh'.
I love making great first impressions.
So pointer: next time I say something 'out-there', 9 times out of 10 - I'm proberly just kidding!
My jokes have always been generally pretty vague. I guess my brain just works in a different way because what I find amusing, most people don't get - or just don't get its meant to be a joke.
Okay I admit, I can be pretty crudely honest and extreme sometimes. But thats just me, I find humor in extreme situations. The whole idea of "what if this happened?" or "what if we did this?" is hilarious to me. A classic example is when I joked about having worms. I had said to a friend that I had been eating alot lately and then I jokingly added: "I think I have worms!". She replied:"You have worms?? Wow youre honest..." It wasn't till I explained that didn't really have worms, but it just SEEMED like I did!
I had an embarrassing moment the other day due to my vague joking - I was talking to someone from church about all the shenanigans a person we both mutually know used to get up to. We discussed one particular naughty thing that person did and then I did my evil voice impression and jokingly said "They are all going to HELL!!!". He gave me a disturbed look and I quickly said - "I'm joking!!!". I later found out that person was one of the leader people at church....Doh'.
I love making great first impressions.
So pointer: next time I say something 'out-there', 9 times out of 10 - I'm proberly just kidding!
Are you hot or cold?
"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Revelation 3:15-16
This verse has just proven to me that before I recommited myself to Jesus late last year, I wasn't even a Christian. I was merely a pagan who pretended to be a christian. Back then I was a "christian" who never read the bible, never went to church, didn't have a relationship with God - heck, I didnt even KNOW any other christians. Back then I thought of myself as a "non-practising christian". Only now do I know that THERE IS NO SUCH THING as a "non-practising christian". You either are or youre not. You either love God and want to pursue Him (thus confirming you are a christian when you accept Jesus into your life) or you don't.
Its strangely wonderful, being born again this time around is so much different than the first time. I am finally getting what it means to be a christian, no its not a religion, no its not about being boring and preaching doom and gloom, no its not about being weak and no its not about being restricted from doing what the secular world considers to be "fun" or even "normal" - its about having a relationship with God. The Kingdom of God is about POWER and GRACE. Being a christian is definately not for the faint hearted, and it takes alot for someone to be able to step out of their comfort zone and surrender their lives to Him - but by Gods grace he gives us strength and power.
It amazes me how much I've changed. My life has definately turned a 180. And I know there are still many changes to make in my life especially in the offhandish joking way I talk, but as God revealed to me earlier this year "I need to break you, so I can mould you again" - I know I am a work in progress. I'm hanging on to Jesus for dear life, and this time round I know I won't let go.
This verse has just proven to me that before I recommited myself to Jesus late last year, I wasn't even a Christian. I was merely a pagan who pretended to be a christian. Back then I was a "christian" who never read the bible, never went to church, didn't have a relationship with God - heck, I didnt even KNOW any other christians. Back then I thought of myself as a "non-practising christian". Only now do I know that THERE IS NO SUCH THING as a "non-practising christian". You either are or youre not. You either love God and want to pursue Him (thus confirming you are a christian when you accept Jesus into your life) or you don't.
Its strangely wonderful, being born again this time around is so much different than the first time. I am finally getting what it means to be a christian, no its not a religion, no its not about being boring and preaching doom and gloom, no its not about being weak and no its not about being restricted from doing what the secular world considers to be "fun" or even "normal" - its about having a relationship with God. The Kingdom of God is about POWER and GRACE. Being a christian is definately not for the faint hearted, and it takes alot for someone to be able to step out of their comfort zone and surrender their lives to Him - but by Gods grace he gives us strength and power.
It amazes me how much I've changed. My life has definately turned a 180. And I know there are still many changes to make in my life especially in the offhandish joking way I talk, but as God revealed to me earlier this year "I need to break you, so I can mould you again" - I know I am a work in progress. I'm hanging on to Jesus for dear life, and this time round I know I won't let go.
Concentrate, concentrate!
I should be studying. Then again I should be doing many other things other writing this blog, but its been so hard to concentrate today.
I've been staring at a .pdf file trying to get it into my brain how line drawing algorithems work for the past 2 hours but with no avail. My brain doesn't seems to want to operate, and I am getting so frustrated. I really need to pass this unit.
This semester for my Computer Graphics Programming unit, we had an assignment worth 60% where I had to make a vector based drawing program in VB.Net. Only I thought the assignment was only worth 40% and I ended up handing in a really pathetic attempt at it. When I demonstrated the program to him, you should of seen the dissapointment on his face. He then went on to ask me why I was even doing my degree if i didn't like programming - "uhm, because I WANT to??" My degree (Digital Media) isn't only about programming anyways, if only I knew to explain that to him at the time.
I emailed him about my mark and he told me I was sitting around 50% for the assignment which is WAY more than I thought I would get. I actually think he gave me sympathy marks because I almost cried in class and it was ME who complained to the co-ordinator of my degree that this unit was way past our programming abilitys. They expected us to know how to program in VB without even properly teaching us - how does that work? We hadn't even done the pre-requisite for the unit.
Well, I have 5 days to study for 2 exams. It seems hardly enough time. My brain seriously needs to wake up!
I've been staring at a .pdf file trying to get it into my brain how line drawing algorithems work for the past 2 hours but with no avail. My brain doesn't seems to want to operate, and I am getting so frustrated. I really need to pass this unit.
This semester for my Computer Graphics Programming unit, we had an assignment worth 60% where I had to make a vector based drawing program in VB.Net. Only I thought the assignment was only worth 40% and I ended up handing in a really pathetic attempt at it. When I demonstrated the program to him, you should of seen the dissapointment on his face. He then went on to ask me why I was even doing my degree if i didn't like programming - "uhm, because I WANT to??" My degree (Digital Media) isn't only about programming anyways, if only I knew to explain that to him at the time.
I emailed him about my mark and he told me I was sitting around 50% for the assignment which is WAY more than I thought I would get. I actually think he gave me sympathy marks because I almost cried in class and it was ME who complained to the co-ordinator of my degree that this unit was way past our programming abilitys. They expected us to know how to program in VB without even properly teaching us - how does that work? We hadn't even done the pre-requisite for the unit.
Well, I have 5 days to study for 2 exams. It seems hardly enough time. My brain seriously needs to wake up!
Princesses, guard your hearts.
I've always had high standards when looking at the opposite sex, and I've always kept a mental note on what the qualities I would look for in a guy. But after the 'Heart to Heart' workshop it really made me realise how precious and irreplaceable we are. We are Gods daughters. Princesses to the King. We deserve to be treated nothing less than the best - I've made a point of reminding Luke of that every day.
"Luke, fetch me my slippers, I'm a princess remember?"
Something occurred to me the other day, I've never dated. And IF I have, I surely never intended to be with that guy for any extended period of time. No, dating is totally not my thing. I find it so pointless. If I was to be with someone I would like to think we were going to be together for a long while, you know, like at LEAST forever.
Which is why I find it so important to guard your heart. Anything to do with your heart you have to be careful, and ESPECIALLY in the area of relationships. Its funny, now I think back to how Luke and I got together I realise I totally made Luke work to get my affections. No, I'm not evil, I just needed him to prove himself worthy to me, or at least worthy of my time. I knew he liked me and I liked him and in most cases thats usually enough for two people to start dating. But in my case that wasn't enough, I thought to myself "Yeah, I like him, but can he prove to me he loves me enough to fight for me?" or "Does he love me enough to want to put 110% into the relationship?" and this whole thing of us liking each other but not actually commiting to anything while he tried to prove himself went on for almost 6 months till I finally deemed him worthy. That was 8 years ago.
I think as women we put too much emphasis on trying to please our boyfriends. Like, yeah we should be kind, gracious and loving to them but some of us just don't know when to draw the line. We leave our hearts open too easily, and that makes us prone to getting hurt at every thoughtless word or action. And then we forgive and then endure it again next time it happens. The foot has to come down sometime, girls!
Some of you might be thinking "You're so heartless Anna! Give a guy a chance!" and I would say, Yeah your right. Give a guy a chance, of course - we should be gracious and forgiving of each other. But when's enough, enough? And when do you give your heart a chance and guard it? And then I think there are some things that are no brainers which should immediately alert you on his character. For example, putting you down, or saying hes going to call but doesnt (Boys, this is a big no-no when pursuing someone). If I ever was in that situation where someone was interested in me and they said they were going to call but didn't, forget about it! Unless they have some legitimate reason why they didn't call, they have obviously they have just proven themselves untrustworthy to their own word.
I think sometimes we have to remember we are princesses and should be treated with respect and care. And princesses should guard their hearts because some princes just don't have a clue.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
"Luke, fetch me my slippers, I'm a princess remember?"
Something occurred to me the other day, I've never dated. And IF I have, I surely never intended to be with that guy for any extended period of time. No, dating is totally not my thing. I find it so pointless. If I was to be with someone I would like to think we were going to be together for a long while, you know, like at LEAST forever.
Which is why I find it so important to guard your heart. Anything to do with your heart you have to be careful, and ESPECIALLY in the area of relationships. Its funny, now I think back to how Luke and I got together I realise I totally made Luke work to get my affections. No, I'm not evil, I just needed him to prove himself worthy to me, or at least worthy of my time. I knew he liked me and I liked him and in most cases thats usually enough for two people to start dating. But in my case that wasn't enough, I thought to myself "Yeah, I like him, but can he prove to me he loves me enough to fight for me?" or "Does he love me enough to want to put 110% into the relationship?" and this whole thing of us liking each other but not actually commiting to anything while he tried to prove himself went on for almost 6 months till I finally deemed him worthy. That was 8 years ago.
I think as women we put too much emphasis on trying to please our boyfriends. Like, yeah we should be kind, gracious and loving to them but some of us just don't know when to draw the line. We leave our hearts open too easily, and that makes us prone to getting hurt at every thoughtless word or action. And then we forgive and then endure it again next time it happens. The foot has to come down sometime, girls!
Some of you might be thinking "You're so heartless Anna! Give a guy a chance!" and I would say, Yeah your right. Give a guy a chance, of course - we should be gracious and forgiving of each other. But when's enough, enough? And when do you give your heart a chance and guard it? And then I think there are some things that are no brainers which should immediately alert you on his character. For example, putting you down, or saying hes going to call but doesnt (Boys, this is a big no-no when pursuing someone). If I ever was in that situation where someone was interested in me and they said they were going to call but didn't, forget about it! Unless they have some legitimate reason why they didn't call, they have obviously they have just proven themselves untrustworthy to their own word.
I think sometimes we have to remember we are princesses and should be treated with respect and care. And princesses should guard their hearts because some princes just don't have a clue.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23
