I'm not in the choir!
Don't you just hate it when you tell youself youre not going to do something - and then you go do it?
I was standing at the front of the stage last night as a guy was getting prayed over by Pastor Gerad and then filled with the Holy Spirit he fell to the floor right next to me. Whilst we were all praying for him I made a mental note not to do the same thing when it came my turn... not. Pastor Gerad prayed for me and as hard as I tried to stay standing, thinking "I'm not going to fall over in front of the whole congregation and I want all the blessing!", I fell. When the Holy Spirit hits you, he HITS you alright... Even now I can't help but giggle about it, "God youre so awesome!"
The really weird thing is whole the lead up to me getting prayed over by the Pastor. Lately I've been praying for vision, for Gods purpose in my life and what He wants me to do with it. Over the past few months Gods been dropping 'hints', maybe a desire or two here, an opportunity there, and a few sprinkles of encouragement to top it off. I even started a Dream and Vision sort of journal to help me sort out what it may be that God wants for my life. Starting with trying to understand what my passions and gifts are (even now alot of it seems a bit unclear, but hey...)
But as I've mentioned before in a previous post, some of those 'crazy' dreams seem even bigger than my capacity. I dont want to even speak of them, they seem so crazy! "Haha, yeah whatever God, you're halarious!" But in determination to pursue Gods Will for me I decided I would fast in prayer yesterday. "God just show me what you want for me!"
Okay, let me tell you this: fasting is not fun. And I mean literally a no food, liquids only fast(Except for that Tiny Teddy I ate when I momentarily forgot I was fasting!). Actually its one of the hardest things for me to do, because those of you who know me, know I love food. No eating to survive for Anna, its eating for enjoyment! Many a time have I tried to fast but failed miserably because of this. But yesterday I managed a proper fast. Now I know people say how fasting makes your prayer stonger, but now I KNOW it does.
At church last night Pastor Gerad asked for people to come to the front of the stage because he wanted to pray over them, one of them he said was 'an asian girl whos in the choir'. Okay firstly there isn't many asian girls in church and secondly there is only one in the choir who he said it wasn't her but someone else.
So everyone is scratching their heads wondering who he could be talking about, and some people were looking at me (because I am asian) and I'm like shrugging my shoulders going "its not me! I'm not even in the choir!". So no asian girl went up front and Pastor Gerad starts praying for the others. One of the leaders came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go up 'just in case' it was me. So I said 'okay...' and went up, when Pastor Gerad saw me he goes "There she is! Shes an usher!" and I go: "Yeah! I'm not in the choir!"
Anyways to cut a long story short, Pastor Gerad prophesised and prayed some powerful words into my life, which both confirmed what I had been praying and fasting about (See, God does answer prayer!), and he encouraged me in my walk with God. He even mentioned how I have so many dreams, which is funny because I write all these 'dreams' and 'vision' I have for my life in my Dream and vision journal I mentioned earlier. I was fully spun out. And then to top it all off I managed to get filled with the Holy Spirit in front of the whole congregation - luckily someone caught me, otherwise I would of been nursing some pretty serious head injuries afterwards...
Thank God for purpose, and thank God for vision! Now I just have to leave it in His hands to somehow take me there - if this is His Will, trust me, its going to take nothing short of a miracle.
I was standing at the front of the stage last night as a guy was getting prayed over by Pastor Gerad and then filled with the Holy Spirit he fell to the floor right next to me. Whilst we were all praying for him I made a mental note not to do the same thing when it came my turn... not. Pastor Gerad prayed for me and as hard as I tried to stay standing, thinking "I'm not going to fall over in front of the whole congregation and I want all the blessing!", I fell. When the Holy Spirit hits you, he HITS you alright... Even now I can't help but giggle about it, "God youre so awesome!"
The really weird thing is whole the lead up to me getting prayed over by the Pastor. Lately I've been praying for vision, for Gods purpose in my life and what He wants me to do with it. Over the past few months Gods been dropping 'hints', maybe a desire or two here, an opportunity there, and a few sprinkles of encouragement to top it off. I even started a Dream and Vision sort of journal to help me sort out what it may be that God wants for my life. Starting with trying to understand what my passions and gifts are (even now alot of it seems a bit unclear, but hey...)
But as I've mentioned before in a previous post, some of those 'crazy' dreams seem even bigger than my capacity. I dont want to even speak of them, they seem so crazy! "Haha, yeah whatever God, you're halarious!" But in determination to pursue Gods Will for me I decided I would fast in prayer yesterday. "God just show me what you want for me!"
Okay, let me tell you this: fasting is not fun. And I mean literally a no food, liquids only fast(Except for that Tiny Teddy I ate when I momentarily forgot I was fasting!). Actually its one of the hardest things for me to do, because those of you who know me, know I love food. No eating to survive for Anna, its eating for enjoyment! Many a time have I tried to fast but failed miserably because of this. But yesterday I managed a proper fast. Now I know people say how fasting makes your prayer stonger, but now I KNOW it does.
At church last night Pastor Gerad asked for people to come to the front of the stage because he wanted to pray over them, one of them he said was 'an asian girl whos in the choir'. Okay firstly there isn't many asian girls in church and secondly there is only one in the choir who he said it wasn't her but someone else.
So everyone is scratching their heads wondering who he could be talking about, and some people were looking at me (because I am asian) and I'm like shrugging my shoulders going "its not me! I'm not even in the choir!". So no asian girl went up front and Pastor Gerad starts praying for the others. One of the leaders came up to me and asked me if I wanted to go up 'just in case' it was me. So I said 'okay...' and went up, when Pastor Gerad saw me he goes "There she is! Shes an usher!" and I go: "Yeah! I'm not in the choir!"
Anyways to cut a long story short, Pastor Gerad prophesised and prayed some powerful words into my life, which both confirmed what I had been praying and fasting about (See, God does answer prayer!), and he encouraged me in my walk with God. He even mentioned how I have so many dreams, which is funny because I write all these 'dreams' and 'vision' I have for my life in my Dream and vision journal I mentioned earlier. I was fully spun out. And then to top it all off I managed to get filled with the Holy Spirit in front of the whole congregation - luckily someone caught me, otherwise I would of been nursing some pretty serious head injuries afterwards...
Thank God for purpose, and thank God for vision! Now I just have to leave it in His hands to somehow take me there - if this is His Will, trust me, its going to take nothing short of a miracle.
Marry a priest?
After discussing current guy situations, a good friend said to me: "Anna, at the rate you're going it looks like you're going to have to marry a priest."
I laughed embarrassedly, but for a split second there I had to do a double take.
Were my standards so high that I could never find someone to fit that mould? Is there a guy out there who could lead, yet not dominate? Or maybe is there even anyone who I could allow to lead me? If anything he would have to be someone pretty special for that to even happen...
But the more I thought about it, the more I decided I didn't want to compromise. Yeah sure, I could like a guy who doesn't exactly match my 'criteria' and yeah sure I could say "well, he's not quite up to standard, but yeah...he will do." But I don't want to do that, and I don't want second best.
Which brings me to another question: What does God want for me? I could like a guy and he could even be up to standard, but if he is not who God wants for me, it's pointless. And as much as I could want to be with this person, I've made a conscious decision to not want what I want, but what God wants. And as scary as it sounds, that could even be no one.
As for me, I've come to the following conclusions on this whole'guyless-ness' matter: Who cares? I don't need a guy in my life to make me feel whole, loved, or even wanted! I just want to be a woman after my Fathers business. I want to give up my own agenda, and take on Gods - who cares if I am single? That's my own agenda, and that doesn't matter anymore!
God may want me to be single forever, if so, then great! As long as I am fulfilling His plan and His Will! Or maybe he does have someone wonderful (and they would have to be) for me, but rather than being patient for it to happen I'm just going to be about my Fathers business. God knows my heart, but there are other things that come in priority - and it's definitely not this.
In all honesty, and I know this sounds big headed, but it's true: it's not hard to get a boyfriend. But it is finding the 'right' one that's the hard thing, the right one that God intends me to be with and the right guy who will pursue me.
Who knows? Maybe I will end up marrying a priest.
I laughed embarrassedly, but for a split second there I had to do a double take.
Were my standards so high that I could never find someone to fit that mould? Is there a guy out there who could lead, yet not dominate? Or maybe is there even anyone who I could allow to lead me? If anything he would have to be someone pretty special for that to even happen...
But the more I thought about it, the more I decided I didn't want to compromise. Yeah sure, I could like a guy who doesn't exactly match my 'criteria' and yeah sure I could say "well, he's not quite up to standard, but yeah...he will do." But I don't want to do that, and I don't want second best.
Which brings me to another question: What does God want for me? I could like a guy and he could even be up to standard, but if he is not who God wants for me, it's pointless. And as much as I could want to be with this person, I've made a conscious decision to not want what I want, but what God wants. And as scary as it sounds, that could even be no one.
As for me, I've come to the following conclusions on this whole'guyless-ness' matter: Who cares? I don't need a guy in my life to make me feel whole, loved, or even wanted! I just want to be a woman after my Fathers business. I want to give up my own agenda, and take on Gods - who cares if I am single? That's my own agenda, and that doesn't matter anymore!
God may want me to be single forever, if so, then great! As long as I am fulfilling His plan and His Will! Or maybe he does have someone wonderful (and they would have to be) for me, but rather than being patient for it to happen I'm just going to be about my Fathers business. God knows my heart, but there are other things that come in priority - and it's definitely not this.
In all honesty, and I know this sounds big headed, but it's true: it's not hard to get a boyfriend. But it is finding the 'right' one that's the hard thing, the right one that God intends me to be with and the right guy who will pursue me.
Who knows? Maybe I will end up marrying a priest.
Pursuer or the pursued?
Men are supposed to be the pursuer. And as chivalrous as that sounds it makes sense. After all, men are the head of the house.
This whole area of dating in Christian social circles intrigues me. There is a manner and equiette on how you should conduct yourself in pursuing someone. Going to the Heart to Heart seminar in May was a real eye opener for me. From being accountable to someone in dating, to not praying alone together, were all new concepts to me - but they made sense. It's all about guarding your heart.
But who could have guessed that dating in secular circles and Christian circles could be so different? I certainly didn't. I definitely needed to get my head around how the system works - that is if I wanted to work the system.
My first question was: where are all these engagements popping up all over the place when it seemed like there was little to no interaction between the men and women? Did I miss something? Was there some sort of sign up sheet for the single that I didn't have my name on?
After making a few enquiries, I found out that the men tend to like to 'observe from afar'. Which is a great idea for sussing out how the prospective person is like in their own 'habitat' or comfort zone, but in knowing that sort of makes me feel like I have to have my 'game face' on all the time - you never know who's watching...
Then it was the whole, men are the pursuer not the pursued thing. See, in the secular world, a woman asking a man she hardly knows out for a coffee is just what it is: coffee. But in the Christian world, its proberly not the wisest thing to do. Firstly the man would have their 'I want to impress you' face on so she proberly wouldn't be able to really get to know him that well (and that was the whole point of asking them out to coffee, wasn't it?) and secondly the thought of "what is it do you want?" is bound to cross their mind since we Christians tend to like to date for marriage - and not for the sake of not wanting to be alone.
So how do men feel about having to be the pursuer in a relationship? Out of all the men I asked about 50% said they would prefer the woman to take the first step. My conclusion is: men as the pursuer? It depends on the man. But thank God that regardless of what the men would rather have, they know they should pursue. Which is great news for us women, because all we have to do is sit back and wait for the right one.
Thats perfect for me since patience is my new niche, and to be honest, I don't think I'm quite ready to give up singledom!
This whole area of dating in Christian social circles intrigues me. There is a manner and equiette on how you should conduct yourself in pursuing someone. Going to the Heart to Heart seminar in May was a real eye opener for me. From being accountable to someone in dating, to not praying alone together, were all new concepts to me - but they made sense. It's all about guarding your heart.
But who could have guessed that dating in secular circles and Christian circles could be so different? I certainly didn't. I definitely needed to get my head around how the system works - that is if I wanted to work the system.
My first question was: where are all these engagements popping up all over the place when it seemed like there was little to no interaction between the men and women? Did I miss something? Was there some sort of sign up sheet for the single that I didn't have my name on?
After making a few enquiries, I found out that the men tend to like to 'observe from afar'. Which is a great idea for sussing out how the prospective person is like in their own 'habitat' or comfort zone, but in knowing that sort of makes me feel like I have to have my 'game face' on all the time - you never know who's watching...
Then it was the whole, men are the pursuer not the pursued thing. See, in the secular world, a woman asking a man she hardly knows out for a coffee is just what it is: coffee. But in the Christian world, its proberly not the wisest thing to do. Firstly the man would have their 'I want to impress you' face on so she proberly wouldn't be able to really get to know him that well (and that was the whole point of asking them out to coffee, wasn't it?) and secondly the thought of "what is it do you want?" is bound to cross their mind since we Christians tend to like to date for marriage - and not for the sake of not wanting to be alone.
So how do men feel about having to be the pursuer in a relationship? Out of all the men I asked about 50% said they would prefer the woman to take the first step. My conclusion is: men as the pursuer? It depends on the man. But thank God that regardless of what the men would rather have, they know they should pursue. Which is great news for us women, because all we have to do is sit back and wait for the right one.
Thats perfect for me since patience is my new niche, and to be honest, I don't think I'm quite ready to give up singledom!
