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4/29/2005


A birds eye view. 

God's love and faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. It really doesn't. Sometimes when I feel like I'm floundering, and I'm at the end of that tether - He'll come and pull me right back in.

Thats what God does, He loves us so much that the moment that we start to drift He will do all He can to get us back right with Him. I guess the breaking point is here whether you chose to listen to Him. God disciplines those He loves, boy don't I know it; but I am so thankful He does.

I guess I've made it no secret how hard I find leadership. The amount of times I've wanted to quit - I can't even remember, its been that many times. I've almost perfected all my excuses: "I'm not wise enough!", "I can't relate to the age group!", "I'm not a leadership type of person!" - "If they would just take me off, then my life would be sooOOoo much easier!"

This week was no exception - except this time I was definately going to go through with it, I was going to ask to get taken off. It had gotten to the point where I was feeling physically sick from stress, and depressed.

"This couldn't be God's will for me,
" I thought, "God would never want me to feel like this, it shouldn't be this hard, I shouldn't be struggling this much, I feel so burdened... Maybe new christians just isn't my calling... this isn't God will for me!!"

I could almost see my perspective starting to shrink smaller, and soon enough it wasn't about growing Gods people anymore but me. How I felt, where I was called, how tired and emotionally drained I was feeling. My perspective turned from an grateful outwards perspective to one that was pointing inwards, basically: Me, me, me, me!

All I can say is thank God for wise council. The truth can hurt, but the truth will also set you free and wise council brought me new perspective. I had to realise it wasn't about me, and it wasn't about me feeling like this is a job too big for me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! All I have to do is be faithful, make myself a vessel to be used and God would do the rest! His yoke is light and easy!

John Fischer says it best in his Purpose Driven Life devotional:

Do you realize how privileged you are to be on a mission? That means you are important to God. You are a part of His plan. You can't blow this off. You can't say you are worthless, and for God's sake, you can't take your life, because you are important to God, to us, and to the mission. In fact, if you are having severe problems and struggles right now, that means you are needed even more.

You see this is the type of mission no one is excused from. Deeper struggle only makes surviving that much more crucial. Remember? This isn't about you. We're not only talking about you making it. We're talking about the mission that you will have, making it - the reach your experience will have into the real lives of others struggling with the same things.


Tonight at church God spoke to me again in Pastor Gerads message: God wants me to use what he has given me in my hand. It is where God positions you that he wants you to grow - not where you feel you should be (in my case it was off leadership and free from responsibility!).

Am I called to be where I am? Of course.

Is this God's Will for me? Most definately.

Am I grateful? Absolutely.




4/20/2005


The Angel Stadium Declaration. 

On Sunday, April 17, 2005, 30,000 people gathered at Angel Stadium in Anaheim, California, to celebrate 25 years of ministry at Saddleback Church. At the culmination of a three-hour service of worship and remembrance, thousands rose to their feet to read the following together as a commitment to doing God's will for the next 25 years. This is utter inspiration to me:

Today I am stepping across the line. I'm tired of waffling and I'm finished with wavering; I've made my choice, the verdict is in and my decision is irrevocable. I'm going God's way. There's no turning back now!

I will live the rest of my life serving God's purposes with God's people on God's planet for God's glory. I will use my life to celebrate His presence, cultivate His character, participate in His family, demonstrate His love, and communicate His word.

Since my past has been forgiven and I have a purpose for living and a home awaiting in heaven, I refuse to waste any more time or energy on shallow living, petty thinking, trivial talking, thoughtless doing, useless regretting, hurtful resenting, or faithless worrying. Instead, I will magnify God, grow to maturity, serve in ministry, and fulfill my mission in the membership of His family.

Because this life is preparation for the next, I will value worship over wealth, "we" over "me," character over comfort, service over status, and people over possessions, position, and pleasures. I know what matters most and I'll give it all I've got. I'll do the best I can with what I have for Jesus Christ today.

I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems debilitated by temptation or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running my race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I'm Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

I'm a trophy of God's amazing grace so I will be gracious to everyone, grateful for every day, and generous with everything that God entrusts to me.

To my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I say: However, Whenever, Wherever, and Whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is yes! Wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway. Whatever it takes Lord; Whatever it takes! I want to be used by you in such a way, that on that final day I'll hear you say, "Well done, thou good and faithful one. Come on in, and let the eternal party begin!"





4/07/2005


Beep. 

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Hi this is Anna, I'm really busy doing assignments right now. But if you would like, please leave a message after the tone.

Beep.




4/04/2005


Its a single world. 

With all these engagements and weddings going on, you know I'm not a bit surprised there is all this talk about future husbands and wives. I've just learnt to keep my mouth shut during these conversations. I think I'll go nuts if someone else asks me, again, about who I like or if I want to be set up. If a guy likes me he will pursue me!

In all honesty I don't even think I would have time for a boyfriend. Between uni, work, church, and making time for my friends, I'm struggling as it is to have some quality (and I mean quality) one on time with God, and then trying to fit in 8 hours sleep! And then if that wasn't enough, I've joined the gym and to make time for that I wake up most mornings at 5am to hit the gym, 5-6 days a week... Where a boyfriend would fit in I have no idea... A friend from uni joked: "You got a gym membership instead of a boyfriend!"

Something that's been coming up a lot lately is priorities. what's my priority? I can say for sure its definitely not a boyfriend. Actually, if it wasn't for the fact people had asked me about it and as a result I am sitting here writing about this, it proberly wouldn't even of had a chance to cross my mind at all. There is much more important things at hand, than for me to be trying to sort out my love life, or there lack of.

There is so many things that I can do now, that I proberly couldn't do if I was attached! I have been called to be at the place I am now for such a time as this - I need to make the most of it while I can! I need to be focused on what I need to do right now, and not what I need to do at a later stage.

Its so true that when you put God first everything else will fall into place. In Psalm 37:4 it says: "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

God knows my heart. And I know this busy-ness is all but a season, but for now i'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and delight myself in the Lord.




4/03/2005


Least I forget 

It is so easy to go back into the world. I know all I have to do is spend time with people who talk ungodliness for me to sway into the same direction as them. It makes it even more important for me to be careful who I chose to hang around with and be close to.

Sometimes with people who are backslidden I always have to question "Why?" - "Why did they make that choice?" "Why did they chose to let the passion go, and become complacent?" - WHY? If you experianced God's love, healing and power, why would you want to let it all go? Why would you want to throw away God's awesome destiny and purpose for your life? It just sounds abit silly to me, and then doesn't it say in Revelation 3:16 'So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth.' God wants us to be passionate about Him or not at all! So then whats the point of being a christian if its only going to be half heartedly? It just gives all the other christians a bad name.

Not to sound like I'm so holy here, but I really pray that it will never happen to me. I pray that I'll never lose my passion, or my commitment. I never want to go back to the way my life was before. I never ever want to live, or do the things I did in my old life again. When I made a commitment to God, I made a commitment to God. Thats it, end of story - I am His till the end. I've been touched by God, He has changed me and have experianced so much of His love, how could I ever go back to the way I used to be? Why would I even want to?

Everyday I want to be remembering all the good things God has done for me, least I forget.





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