How do you love the unlovable?
Sometimes I wonder if I am a masochist.
I wonder if its because of loving and caring about people so much that I feel so raw sometimes. I'm realising now more and more how much I need to rely on God right now. I need Him to help me expand my heart, to keep it open and soft. I don't want hurt to become a bitterness that callous's my heart. I need Him to fill me with love, so I can give out generously.
But how do you love the unlovable?
I'm realising the unlovable comes in many shapes and forms. The unlovable has even at times been myself.
And then I am realising that sometimes I just need to let go. That sometimes its ok to let go. Letting go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do this for someone else. To let go is to not be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but allow others to affect their own outcomes. Letting go is not to deny, but accept.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes. To let go is not to critise and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
Most of all to let go is to fear less and love more.
I wonder if its because of loving and caring about people so much that I feel so raw sometimes. I'm realising now more and more how much I need to rely on God right now. I need Him to help me expand my heart, to keep it open and soft. I don't want hurt to become a bitterness that callous's my heart. I need Him to fill me with love, so I can give out generously.
But how do you love the unlovable?
I'm realising the unlovable comes in many shapes and forms. The unlovable has even at times been myself.
And then I am realising that sometimes I just need to let go. That sometimes its ok to let go. Letting go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do this for someone else. To let go is to not be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but allow others to affect their own outcomes. Letting go is not to deny, but accept.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes. To let go is not to critise and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
Most of all to let go is to fear less and love more.
I am still.
I think I have finally managed to run my body down. Its Taya's 18th birthday tonight and here I am at home trying to fight off exhaustion and proberly dehydration.
The past week has been hectic to say the least. Too many late nights, assignments, coffee and diet pepsi has finally gotten to me and now my body is refusing to move and my throat has begun to get sore. I've just taken some cold and flu tables and am keeping by my side a huge bottle of water. I didn't realise till today from Ann that that diet pepsi didn't count as part of our daily liquid intake! :S
I have to admit, it feels kind of nice to be at home. With nowhere to go, noone to see and no assignments to do (I am taking a break tonight). To just sit here and be still. To gather myself in God's presense and not have to spend time with Him on the run, in my car or because I need something.
Alot of things have been running through my head the past few weeks. Alot of it has to do with having a change of thinking in a few areas of life and re-thinking through what I had previously thought the only 'right' way to do something.
Along with that I'm also trying to restucture the way the new christian girls team serve our new christians, have meetings and make phonecalls whilst trying to juggle uni, uni assignments and all the rest that that entails. I've also had to let go of my commitments at the Furnace, its a plate I am unable to spin right now in this season. I am learning to work out of rest!
All I can hear right now is: Be still and know that I am God.
The past week has been hectic to say the least. Too many late nights, assignments, coffee and diet pepsi has finally gotten to me and now my body is refusing to move and my throat has begun to get sore. I've just taken some cold and flu tables and am keeping by my side a huge bottle of water. I didn't realise till today from Ann that that diet pepsi didn't count as part of our daily liquid intake! :S
I have to admit, it feels kind of nice to be at home. With nowhere to go, noone to see and no assignments to do (I am taking a break tonight). To just sit here and be still. To gather myself in God's presense and not have to spend time with Him on the run, in my car or because I need something.
Alot of things have been running through my head the past few weeks. Alot of it has to do with having a change of thinking in a few areas of life and re-thinking through what I had previously thought the only 'right' way to do something.
Along with that I'm also trying to restucture the way the new christian girls team serve our new christians, have meetings and make phonecalls whilst trying to juggle uni, uni assignments and all the rest that that entails. I've also had to let go of my commitments at the Furnace, its a plate I am unable to spin right now in this season. I am learning to work out of rest!
All I can hear right now is: Be still and know that I am God.
Photos from my 24th Birthday
Where mountains fall and reason fails,
You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me.
All I know is I find rest in You.
Painting pictures.
I've come to realise that picking peoples brains is a much enjoyed hobby of mine.
I've been thinking about this lately, like about why sometimes I can walk away from a conversation knowing more about the other person than they do about me. Maybe this is why I love meeting new people, I love getting to know people, I love trying to understand where they are coming from and what makes them tick. People are so interesting.
Actually I was lying in bed this morning thinking about this, just thinking about my own thought processes when I talk to people and why I am the way I am around people and I realised one thing. I like to paint pictures of people in my mind. I like to imagine their life, what it would be like to be them and the context of what they are saying - I like to paint visual pictures. I ask questions because I am interested and it helps me to visualise.
Its part of my wire up, I am an auditory/visual learner. If you catch me staring into space or looking away when you are talking to me, I am listening! But I am also trying to visualise what you are saying. You can literally see me processing my thoughts.
Maybe thats why I love being in a room full of strangers. Each person in that room is like a feature film waiting to be explored. I love trying to see the world from another persons point of view. Especially those people I care about, I want to understand where they are coming from.
That is proberly why when there is confrontation I like to talk things through and understand why someone said or acted the way they did. I think I am proberly like the worst person to have a confrontation with, especially if someone doesn't want to talk about it (frustrating!) because I have a tendancy to keep pursuing a matter till I understand where the person is coming from and had an opportunity to resolve it. I hate disagreements. I don't see the point on dragging them out, thinking things that could be totally wrong or feeling hurt when all of that could be talked through. Most of the time its just a misunderstanding, which is why I really want to understand.
Maybe it comes down to loving people and seeing people through God's eyes. That people are valuable, unique and worth fighting for. I don't understand fully understand why I feel this way about people because before God opened my eyes, I was the most selfish person in the world. All I ever thought about was me, and how I felt and how things will effect me. All I can think is that I put value on others because He loved me first and put value on me. Its not about me.
There is so much beauty in people.
:)
I've been thinking about this lately, like about why sometimes I can walk away from a conversation knowing more about the other person than they do about me. Maybe this is why I love meeting new people, I love getting to know people, I love trying to understand where they are coming from and what makes them tick. People are so interesting.
Actually I was lying in bed this morning thinking about this, just thinking about my own thought processes when I talk to people and why I am the way I am around people and I realised one thing. I like to paint pictures of people in my mind. I like to imagine their life, what it would be like to be them and the context of what they are saying - I like to paint visual pictures. I ask questions because I am interested and it helps me to visualise.
Its part of my wire up, I am an auditory/visual learner. If you catch me staring into space or looking away when you are talking to me, I am listening! But I am also trying to visualise what you are saying. You can literally see me processing my thoughts.
Maybe thats why I love being in a room full of strangers. Each person in that room is like a feature film waiting to be explored. I love trying to see the world from another persons point of view. Especially those people I care about, I want to understand where they are coming from.
That is proberly why when there is confrontation I like to talk things through and understand why someone said or acted the way they did. I think I am proberly like the worst person to have a confrontation with, especially if someone doesn't want to talk about it (frustrating!) because I have a tendancy to keep pursuing a matter till I understand where the person is coming from and had an opportunity to resolve it. I hate disagreements. I don't see the point on dragging them out, thinking things that could be totally wrong or feeling hurt when all of that could be talked through. Most of the time its just a misunderstanding, which is why I really want to understand.
Maybe it comes down to loving people and seeing people through God's eyes. That people are valuable, unique and worth fighting for. I don't understand fully understand why I feel this way about people because before God opened my eyes, I was the most selfish person in the world. All I ever thought about was me, and how I felt and how things will effect me. All I can think is that I put value on others because He loved me first and put value on me. Its not about me.
There is so much beauty in people.
:)
Lovely.
You're the sweet dreams that soothe me
when I can't fall asleep.
You're the field
in the middle of the city.
When I'm rushing by
at the speed of light.
You're the strong resolution
when I find no peace.
You're the church bells ringing
in the evening.
When all is quiet,
Your whisper comfort
lifts my heart.
I get so weak.
Ohhh.... You're lovely, lovely
You're the center of my universe.
A thousand times
I look around me and I find...
Ohh... you're lovely.
You're the center of my universe.
A million ways
cannot explain,
you're lovely.
I am loving this song by Michelle Tumes. God truely is lovely.
This song reminds me of the peace He brings to my heart, when my world feels like it is spinning out of control - He is my anchor. Hes the tender words that touch my heart when I just can't speak.
He is my soft place to fall.
I love how my relationship with God is so much like a romance. Where every day He is loving me, pursuing me, placing value on me. He makes me feel sought after - He gets past my messiness to find the woman He has created me to be.
This is the romance I experience every day of my life and for this I am so thankful.
His love
Is it possible to feel anymore loved by God?
I found myself crying in my car on the way home tonight just so overwhelmed by how much God loves me. I am so not worthy of His love, I mess up, say and do the wrong things all the time - yet He still loves me. And not just loves me like "yeah I think shes alright" type thing but He loves me in abundance.
She is special, she is valued, she is precious.
She is worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for. Wow. To God I was worth dying for, I am forgiven. I always say that anything worth anything is going to cost something. Its going to cost sacrifice. Jesus died for me, how much does that make me worth?
There is security in Gods love. His love is liberating. I can be me because I know He loves me. He created me, designed me - He saw me before I was even born. It is ok to be me.
I know this proberly sounds pretty basic to some, but thinking about it today and the reality of what it means to be loved by God really blows my mind.
It just highlights to me how much I really am living in Gods grace every day.
I found myself crying in my car on the way home tonight just so overwhelmed by how much God loves me. I am so not worthy of His love, I mess up, say and do the wrong things all the time - yet He still loves me. And not just loves me like "yeah I think shes alright" type thing but He loves me in abundance.
She is special, she is valued, she is precious.
She is worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for. Wow. To God I was worth dying for, I am forgiven. I always say that anything worth anything is going to cost something. Its going to cost sacrifice. Jesus died for me, how much does that make me worth?
There is security in Gods love. His love is liberating. I can be me because I know He loves me. He created me, designed me - He saw me before I was even born. It is ok to be me.
I know this proberly sounds pretty basic to some, but thinking about it today and the reality of what it means to be loved by God really blows my mind.
It just highlights to me how much I really am living in Gods grace every day.
Sunset Coast Christian Life Centre
Here I am sitting at home revelling in the aftermath of another awesome Friday night service at my church.
Wow.
Every Friday night I come home in total amazement at what God is doing and falling more in love with my church family. I am really so blessed to be able to be a part of it. I know I say this so often, maybe to the point of ad nausem of how much I love my church but I can't help it!
What do I love about it? Well, where do I begin? The people - There are so many passionate, genuine quality people at church. The friendliness - it is such a friendly church. I know for sure that if I brought a friend and left them alone for a while someone WILL come up and talk to them.
I love how people can just come to church and be a part of it without having any hoops to jump through - 'Membership' is obtained by being there week in week out, passionate serving and committed. The family oriented-ness - I love how its a generational church where the older people come cheer and support the younger ones.
I just love how the 'adults' come and just give a word or encouragement or even bless me with money (because they know how broke I am to afford petrol to pick up girls!) and even resources that will help me grow in my walk with God! I invited some of them to my birthday and they were so game! Imagine adults (40+) at a birthday party full of young twenty somethings! They came, had a good time, mucked around with us and then told me as they were leaving how priviledged that I invited them to come! I should really be the one priviledged for them to come to my birthday! so crazy..!
I love how ingrained it is in the culture that this church is a family. So as part of this family we serve and do what we can to help out. Even the big men on the business council are in the carpark week in, week standing in the rain or in the blazing sun in serving and committed helping to park the cars - These are the big guys who earn the big bucks! Such humility.
I love the leadership that has been placed over me that really care about developing me to my God given potential. Always challenging me and being there to support me. Gosh, the amount of times I've run to them for advice. They have so much wisdom and encouragement. I love how my senior pastors are so obviously in love with God, life and each other. I see that and I feel secure.
Most of all I love what God is doing there and how He is using us. Every weekend is powerful and miraculous. People are crossing over from death to life, peoples lives are being transformed and every week people are going deeper with God.
And thats what its all about - Relationship with God and His people. This is my family.
Wow.
Every Friday night I come home in total amazement at what God is doing and falling more in love with my church family. I am really so blessed to be able to be a part of it. I know I say this so often, maybe to the point of ad nausem of how much I love my church but I can't help it!
What do I love about it? Well, where do I begin? The people - There are so many passionate, genuine quality people at church. The friendliness - it is such a friendly church. I know for sure that if I brought a friend and left them alone for a while someone WILL come up and talk to them.
I love how people can just come to church and be a part of it without having any hoops to jump through - 'Membership' is obtained by being there week in week out, passionate serving and committed. The family oriented-ness - I love how its a generational church where the older people come cheer and support the younger ones.
I just love how the 'adults' come and just give a word or encouragement or even bless me with money (because they know how broke I am to afford petrol to pick up girls!) and even resources that will help me grow in my walk with God! I invited some of them to my birthday and they were so game! Imagine adults (40+) at a birthday party full of young twenty somethings! They came, had a good time, mucked around with us and then told me as they were leaving how priviledged that I invited them to come! I should really be the one priviledged for them to come to my birthday! so crazy..!
I love how ingrained it is in the culture that this church is a family. So as part of this family we serve and do what we can to help out. Even the big men on the business council are in the carpark week in, week standing in the rain or in the blazing sun in serving and committed helping to park the cars - These are the big guys who earn the big bucks! Such humility.
I love the leadership that has been placed over me that really care about developing me to my God given potential. Always challenging me and being there to support me. Gosh, the amount of times I've run to them for advice. They have so much wisdom and encouragement. I love how my senior pastors are so obviously in love with God, life and each other. I see that and I feel secure.
Most of all I love what God is doing there and how He is using us. Every weekend is powerful and miraculous. People are crossing over from death to life, peoples lives are being transformed and every week people are going deeper with God.
And thats what its all about - Relationship with God and His people. This is my family.
