The art in being feminine.
My web development lecturer said to me the other day the website I was creating was too pink. Too pink?! Like sure this was supposed to be a Php, Sql online web repository, and yeah I did have a pale pink background with a pink floral navigation bar - but what he thought was 'too pink' and not 'computer science boring' enough, I thought, was breaking the mould.
Dare to be different. That's what I always say, and when you're one of a few females in a class of 30 males, the last thing I wanted to build was another boring blue and grey 'computer science' website. So I went pink and flowery. I thought the class needed a bit of estrogen injected into it anyway.
I was thinking about my past assignments and I've noticed a lot of my ideas for assignments have been really feminine. For example my last adobe premier pro assignment, I did an emotive montage of my cats with Big Runga's 'Sway' playing in the background - complete with swirly calligraphic text. Or when I did my Dancing Bear assignment in Lightwave I made a ballerina bear with a matching pink tutu. Whilst others are creating some funky stuff, here I am creating all this girly girl stuff... What's with that?
When you're stuck in a room full of boys all day the last thing I want to do is be assimilated. That's what I used to do: To fit in with boys I used to act like a boy. But I am not a boy, I am a girl so I don't have to act like one, pretend to like the things they like, or even have to be on the same wavelength. I can just be me, a girl who likes girly things like handbags, shoes, cute furry animals and even the colour pink. Dare to be different, that's what I always say.
That being said, my lecturer still didn't like my pink website. And rather than lose marks on interface I did end up conforming and changing the background colour.
But I'm not giving up my pink floral navigation bar.
Dare to be different. That's what I always say, and when you're one of a few females in a class of 30 males, the last thing I wanted to build was another boring blue and grey 'computer science' website. So I went pink and flowery. I thought the class needed a bit of estrogen injected into it anyway.
I was thinking about my past assignments and I've noticed a lot of my ideas for assignments have been really feminine. For example my last adobe premier pro assignment, I did an emotive montage of my cats with Big Runga's 'Sway' playing in the background - complete with swirly calligraphic text. Or when I did my Dancing Bear assignment in Lightwave I made a ballerina bear with a matching pink tutu. Whilst others are creating some funky stuff, here I am creating all this girly girl stuff... What's with that?
When you're stuck in a room full of boys all day the last thing I want to do is be assimilated. That's what I used to do: To fit in with boys I used to act like a boy. But I am not a boy, I am a girl so I don't have to act like one, pretend to like the things they like, or even have to be on the same wavelength. I can just be me, a girl who likes girly things like handbags, shoes, cute furry animals and even the colour pink. Dare to be different, that's what I always say.
That being said, my lecturer still didn't like my pink website. And rather than lose marks on interface I did end up conforming and changing the background colour.
But I'm not giving up my pink floral navigation bar.
A tribute to those who lead.
I have so much respect for those who chose to be a leader in the church. The sheer responsibility of it all and the commitment of the leaders in my church just overwhelms me.
It takes a very special person to take a role of leadership, and in the areas I feel I am not ready sacrifice, these people do it all. I was thinking about this the other day. What it means to really be a leader? The fact that you have to get chosen to be one because the elders of the church see something special in you really says something about the characters of these people. To be a leader is really about being a servant, a servant to those around you, a servant, I think, to the fullest extent.
I am so blessed to have such great leaders around me, whom I admire and respect so much. People such as Ruth-Janine and Ann who have imparted so much wisdom into me, and Ruth-Janine whos dedication to her role in the church is, what I think, tremendous. When my car had broken down, Ruth-Janine without fail week after week would call me to check I had a lift to church, would make sure I was feeling welcome, and it was she who took time to get to know me when I knew no one else. It is these people whom I feel blessed to know and befriend.
I don't think leaders get enough credit for all they do, because when I think about it in my moments of insecurity, I don't think I could handle it as graciously as they do.
It takes a very special person to take a role of leadership, and in the areas I feel I am not ready sacrifice, these people do it all. I was thinking about this the other day. What it means to really be a leader? The fact that you have to get chosen to be one because the elders of the church see something special in you really says something about the characters of these people. To be a leader is really about being a servant, a servant to those around you, a servant, I think, to the fullest extent.
I am so blessed to have such great leaders around me, whom I admire and respect so much. People such as Ruth-Janine and Ann who have imparted so much wisdom into me, and Ruth-Janine whos dedication to her role in the church is, what I think, tremendous. When my car had broken down, Ruth-Janine without fail week after week would call me to check I had a lift to church, would make sure I was feeling welcome, and it was she who took time to get to know me when I knew no one else. It is these people whom I feel blessed to know and befriend.
I don't think leaders get enough credit for all they do, because when I think about it in my moments of insecurity, I don't think I could handle it as graciously as they do.
All shades of busy.
Sometimes there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day.
That's the problem with my degree - the assignments take so much time and work. Even more so, since I am doing more multimedia than computer science units this semester.
In the next 9 weeks I have to make a music video, film a documentary, make a panoramic QuickTime environment, and develop an interactive PHP MySQL website. All this in the remaining 9 weeks of uni, serving and church events 4 times a week PLUS trying to fit some sort social life in between.
The past couple weeks I had been doing some house hunting to move closer to church and uni to try and save some travel time, petrol money also due to some dodgy occurrences that had occurred in my complex. I had been praying really hard about it and asking others to pray for me but after a few disappointments I finally got what God had been trying to tell me all along: "I don't want you to move. Just be happy where you are." After a bit of wrangling with my "Why God? Why?!" pleas, I have to say I am a lot more at peace with the idea of staying put. Oh poo, its all about motives with God isn't it?
Other than that, I've been praying still about what I'm going to do with myself at the end of my degree. My friend Andrew said he would seriously consider moving to Hong Kong with me if I decide to go. We both agree Perth is bit to suburban for our liking and him being a self proclaimed workaholic and me being, well me, I think we could both scrape up a few pennies together to rent a flat in HK if that's the way things go.
The past few weeks have been a bit crazy to say the least. I can't wait till I finish.
That's the problem with my degree - the assignments take so much time and work. Even more so, since I am doing more multimedia than computer science units this semester.
In the next 9 weeks I have to make a music video, film a documentary, make a panoramic QuickTime environment, and develop an interactive PHP MySQL website. All this in the remaining 9 weeks of uni, serving and church events 4 times a week PLUS trying to fit some sort social life in between.
The past couple weeks I had been doing some house hunting to move closer to church and uni to try and save some travel time, petrol money also due to some dodgy occurrences that had occurred in my complex. I had been praying really hard about it and asking others to pray for me but after a few disappointments I finally got what God had been trying to tell me all along: "I don't want you to move. Just be happy where you are." After a bit of wrangling with my "Why God? Why?!" pleas, I have to say I am a lot more at peace with the idea of staying put. Oh poo, its all about motives with God isn't it?
Other than that, I've been praying still about what I'm going to do with myself at the end of my degree. My friend Andrew said he would seriously consider moving to Hong Kong with me if I decide to go. We both agree Perth is bit to suburban for our liking and him being a self proclaimed workaholic and me being, well me, I think we could both scrape up a few pennies together to rent a flat in HK if that's the way things go.
The past few weeks have been a bit crazy to say the least. I can't wait till I finish.
To be where He wants me to be.
Isn't it strange how distance makes the heart grow fonder? Hong Kong, a place I used to hate in every sense of the word has become a place I have now grown to love.
Lately I've been thinking about moving to Hong Kong for a year or two after I finish my degree. It's something I have been thinking about ever since I got back from my holiday but its going to be something I will really have to pray about.
I want to make sure I am going back for the right motives. Not because of the people there, family, lifestyle or because maybe theres problems or issues I don't want to face here - sometimes it just seems so much easier when things get hard to leave the situation and start anew.
I want to make sure that I am going to Hong Kong because that's where God wants me to be, in order to serve Him and grow. God only knows too well what I want and it would be so much easier for me to be manipulative and push things in the direction I want them to go, but I'll have to learn to be patient and obedient.
I'm trying not to think about it too much now, because God's placed me here in Perth. I have to make the most of my time here and not live in the past or future. I just have to continually remind myself that I can serve and grow here as much as anywhere else, so where I am doesn't really matter.
Till then I will have to continue praying for Gods will for me, and keep questioning my motives for going back to Hong Kong.
Will I go back? I guess only time will tell...
Lately I've been thinking about moving to Hong Kong for a year or two after I finish my degree. It's something I have been thinking about ever since I got back from my holiday but its going to be something I will really have to pray about.
I want to make sure I am going back for the right motives. Not because of the people there, family, lifestyle or because maybe theres problems or issues I don't want to face here - sometimes it just seems so much easier when things get hard to leave the situation and start anew.
I want to make sure that I am going to Hong Kong because that's where God wants me to be, in order to serve Him and grow. God only knows too well what I want and it would be so much easier for me to be manipulative and push things in the direction I want them to go, but I'll have to learn to be patient and obedient.
I'm trying not to think about it too much now, because God's placed me here in Perth. I have to make the most of my time here and not live in the past or future. I just have to continually remind myself that I can serve and grow here as much as anywhere else, so where I am doesn't really matter.
Till then I will have to continue praying for Gods will for me, and keep questioning my motives for going back to Hong Kong.
Will I go back? I guess only time will tell...
Feeling offended? - Get over it.
A wise friend once told me that it is often other Christians that will offend you the most; because these are the people you expect should know better.
During pack down yesterday whilst I was sweeping the floor and everyone was laughing and joking around with each other, I couldn't help but think "Why am I doing this?" and I had to physically remind myself why I was there: to serve Gods Kingdom - not win a popularity contest.
Its moments like that I see that little girl attitude sneak in. The moment I started feeling sorry for myself that out of church everyone hangs out together and I'm not invited, I knew she was back: evil little girl Anna. Little girl Anna who feels sorry for herself when she doesn't get her way, with her 'everybody hates me, no body loves me' mentality, and her 'no one really cares' attitude. Yes, little girl Anna is not a great deal of fun to hang around.
And after much prayer I realised that, yeah I was offended - but I had to get over it. I had to stop blaming everyone else for me not feeling included and take responsibility for my feelings. I had to accept the fact I was new in the church, and people don't know me, I had to accept the fact that just another new face amongst a sea of others. I have to remind myself to keep my focus straight on God, and know I am not there to socialise and make people like me (because you certainly can't make people like you, and you definitely cant please everyone). I am there to worship God, and I am there to contribute to Gods Kingdom.
It's so easy to leave somewhere because you 'don't fit in', but I really believe God led me to Sunset Coast for a reason. And just like Moses leading the Israelites across the desert to the promised land, God is leading me through that seemingly never ending desert but if I am faithful, press into Him and stop complaining along the way just like the Israelites! I know God will take me to that Promised Land.
I just have to hang in there - and not be offended.
During pack down yesterday whilst I was sweeping the floor and everyone was laughing and joking around with each other, I couldn't help but think "Why am I doing this?" and I had to physically remind myself why I was there: to serve Gods Kingdom - not win a popularity contest.
Its moments like that I see that little girl attitude sneak in. The moment I started feeling sorry for myself that out of church everyone hangs out together and I'm not invited, I knew she was back: evil little girl Anna. Little girl Anna who feels sorry for herself when she doesn't get her way, with her 'everybody hates me, no body loves me' mentality, and her 'no one really cares' attitude. Yes, little girl Anna is not a great deal of fun to hang around.
And after much prayer I realised that, yeah I was offended - but I had to get over it. I had to stop blaming everyone else for me not feeling included and take responsibility for my feelings. I had to accept the fact I was new in the church, and people don't know me, I had to accept the fact that just another new face amongst a sea of others. I have to remind myself to keep my focus straight on God, and know I am not there to socialise and make people like me (because you certainly can't make people like you, and you definitely cant please everyone). I am there to worship God, and I am there to contribute to Gods Kingdom.
It's so easy to leave somewhere because you 'don't fit in', but I really believe God led me to Sunset Coast for a reason. And just like Moses leading the Israelites across the desert to the promised land, God is leading me through that seemingly never ending desert but if I am faithful, press into Him and stop complaining along the way just like the Israelites! I know God will take me to that Promised Land.
I just have to hang in there - and not be offended.
Thank goodness for little boys...?
Boys can be so crap. I am qualified to say this, because I know a lot of boys. I hang out with boys all day at uni being the only one of two girls in my degree, I grew up with an older brother who loved to practise his WWF wrestling moves on me, and 3 of my closest friends are boys. So as I was saying, boys can be so crap.
Lately I've been noticing how crap my male counter-parts can really be. Some boys say they will do things, but never do them. Some boys act like your best friend one day then act like they don't even know you the next. Some boys just like to make insensitive comments to you and think it's funny. And then there are some boys, whom I swear have worse PMS than girls. What's going on?!
Where are all the MEN? No, let me rephrase that - Where are all the men who don't have 'baggage'? Where are all the men who are secure in themselves, who don't put up these walls of confidence only for someone to dig a bit deeper to find a huddling little boy? Where are the men who say what they mean, and mean what they say?
I don't know. Maybe I am expecting too much, my standards are too high perhaps (which is why I am half convinced I'll never end up married!). Maybe I am envisioning a Super-guy that doesn't really exist, or maybe I just know too many of the wrong kind of guys.
During a few of my 'girl talks' I find a common theme popping up: Hot and Cold. To refer to someone as 'hot and cold' means that one moment that person is all nice to you (Aka. Hot) and the next minute they act like they don't even know you (Aka. Cold), or in a guy/girl sense they 'act' like they like you and/or they are so close to you, then the next minute they act like they can't even remember your name. I like to call them the Thermostat Bandits - the moment they are 'hot', the thermostat kicks in and they go 'cold'.
Yes, it is very annoying for the people around them, not to mention very confusing and misleading. And when boys and girls do this to each other it is very crap - How many girlfriends do I know who have been hurt by this very behaviour? One too many, to say the least.
I've never been the type of girl who felt like she had to have a boyfriend to validate her self worth. And that also translates to: I don't have time for people who try to mess with my head and play silly mind guessing games. Give me a man who speaks his mind and means it, give me a man who is honest about how he feels no matter how painful the truth is, give me a man who accepts who he is in weakness and in strength and doesn't pretend he is something he's not, and give me a man who is sincere in matters of the heart.
We want men, not little boys.
Lately I've been noticing how crap my male counter-parts can really be. Some boys say they will do things, but never do them. Some boys act like your best friend one day then act like they don't even know you the next. Some boys just like to make insensitive comments to you and think it's funny. And then there are some boys, whom I swear have worse PMS than girls. What's going on?!
Where are all the MEN? No, let me rephrase that - Where are all the men who don't have 'baggage'? Where are all the men who are secure in themselves, who don't put up these walls of confidence only for someone to dig a bit deeper to find a huddling little boy? Where are the men who say what they mean, and mean what they say?
I don't know. Maybe I am expecting too much, my standards are too high perhaps (which is why I am half convinced I'll never end up married!). Maybe I am envisioning a Super-guy that doesn't really exist, or maybe I just know too many of the wrong kind of guys.
During a few of my 'girl talks' I find a common theme popping up: Hot and Cold. To refer to someone as 'hot and cold' means that one moment that person is all nice to you (Aka. Hot) and the next minute they act like they don't even know you (Aka. Cold), or in a guy/girl sense they 'act' like they like you and/or they are so close to you, then the next minute they act like they can't even remember your name. I like to call them the Thermostat Bandits - the moment they are 'hot', the thermostat kicks in and they go 'cold'.
Yes, it is very annoying for the people around them, not to mention very confusing and misleading. And when boys and girls do this to each other it is very crap - How many girlfriends do I know who have been hurt by this very behaviour? One too many, to say the least.
I've never been the type of girl who felt like she had to have a boyfriend to validate her self worth. And that also translates to: I don't have time for people who try to mess with my head and play silly mind guessing games. Give me a man who speaks his mind and means it, give me a man who is honest about how he feels no matter how painful the truth is, give me a man who accepts who he is in weakness and in strength and doesn't pretend he is something he's not, and give me a man who is sincere in matters of the heart.
We want men, not little boys.
To be led but not dominated.
"Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord." - Ephesians 5:22
Now that's a scripture I had issues with. The word 'submit' just brought about so many bad connotations. It made me picture a man with his foot planted firmly on his wives neck, it made me think of the way my dad treated my step mom - like she was just there to do his bidding. Like how lesser monkeys have to pick nits off the monkeys who are higher in the food chain, that's what I envisioned with the word 'submit'. For me growing up with very feminist views, there was no way is THAT going to happen to me. Ever. Ever, ever, ever.
Gee, after I had read that scripture the thought of marriage just got a lot less appealing. And there is no way I was going to be picking nits off anybody. But I didn't get it. If submitting to your husband was so bad, why did it seem like so many Christian women are eager to get married? They must know what they are getting into, a life time of being some man's slave, dishwashing, and laundering - surely they must be smarter than that... right?
I must find out why, I thought. On further investigation apparently the word submit in the context of scripture literally means: to place under in an orderly fashion. The word submit has nothing to do with value or worth, but with who is responsible or accountable for what! The matter of fact is that, submission is not meant to be an insult to women - but it is actually necessary for order, because our God is a God of order not chaos! Wow what a revelation!
In 1 Peter 3:7 it actually says men and women are "fellow heirs in the grace of life." - See, it says fellow heirs indicating equality. The husband honours his wife as a fellow heir, and the wife honours her husband by submitting to his leadership.
Submission is to be led - not be dominated. Now I just have to find a guy who can lead me...
Now that's a scripture I had issues with. The word 'submit' just brought about so many bad connotations. It made me picture a man with his foot planted firmly on his wives neck, it made me think of the way my dad treated my step mom - like she was just there to do his bidding. Like how lesser monkeys have to pick nits off the monkeys who are higher in the food chain, that's what I envisioned with the word 'submit'. For me growing up with very feminist views, there was no way is THAT going to happen to me. Ever. Ever, ever, ever.
Gee, after I had read that scripture the thought of marriage just got a lot less appealing. And there is no way I was going to be picking nits off anybody. But I didn't get it. If submitting to your husband was so bad, why did it seem like so many Christian women are eager to get married? They must know what they are getting into, a life time of being some man's slave, dishwashing, and laundering - surely they must be smarter than that... right?
I must find out why, I thought. On further investigation apparently the word submit in the context of scripture literally means: to place under in an orderly fashion. The word submit has nothing to do with value or worth, but with who is responsible or accountable for what! The matter of fact is that, submission is not meant to be an insult to women - but it is actually necessary for order, because our God is a God of order not chaos! Wow what a revelation!
In 1 Peter 3:7 it actually says men and women are "fellow heirs in the grace of life." - See, it says fellow heirs indicating equality. The husband honours his wife as a fellow heir, and the wife honours her husband by submitting to his leadership.
Submission is to be led - not be dominated. Now I just have to find a guy who can lead me...
Happy Birthday to me.
This year is the first birthday in a long time that I didn't have a birthday cake. This would also be the second birthday I've had which I didn't have happy birthday sung to me and the first time I didn't have to actually request people not to sing it. No, instead I had 3 wonderful friends to share my birthday with - cake or no cake, song or no song, I was in good company.
I didn't actually plan anything for my birthday this year. I never do. I didn't even really bother to tell people it was going to be my birthday except a select few. It wasn't till last minute did I know I was going out to dinner with Ruth, Ann and Carrie - they have been such a blessing to me!
I had a really good night! It started off at the Hogs Breath Cafe for dinner with some majourly yummy food and great conversation. I was so full I could hardly move, but then it was off to The Deen for a night of dancing. It was so good hanging out with just four of us girls, I think we were on the dance floor no longer than 5 minutes till Ruth got hit on - Go Ruth!
Well I'm 22 now. I can't believe it - where has it all gone? It seems like only yesterday I was still 18, still immature, and still unsure of myself. A good friend said to me that I've changed a lot the past year and for the better, and I think I would have to agree.
Happy birthday to me.
I didn't actually plan anything for my birthday this year. I never do. I didn't even really bother to tell people it was going to be my birthday except a select few. It wasn't till last minute did I know I was going out to dinner with Ruth, Ann and Carrie - they have been such a blessing to me!
I had a really good night! It started off at the Hogs Breath Cafe for dinner with some majourly yummy food and great conversation. I was so full I could hardly move, but then it was off to The Deen for a night of dancing. It was so good hanging out with just four of us girls, I think we were on the dance floor no longer than 5 minutes till Ruth got hit on - Go Ruth!
Well I'm 22 now. I can't believe it - where has it all gone? It seems like only yesterday I was still 18, still immature, and still unsure of myself. A good friend said to me that I've changed a lot the past year and for the better, and I think I would have to agree.
Happy birthday to me.
More pics from my HK trip!
Carrie and I: sporting peace signs in Music Room Live at 180!
Hanging out after 180: Nate, Jeremy, Abbie and I.
Nicki, Patsy and Christian!
Beautiful girls: Alison, Gabby and Linnet at Tsui Wah.
Soo much fooooood....
Dan and I: this is my sad attempt to look cool.. haha..
Me, my kissy face and Hay: mucking around after 180!
