The goal is in sight.
This is so crazy: I have less than two weeks left of university, one exam and I'm home free. I can't believe I will be graduating with a Bachelor of Science! I will be officially Anna Tsang BSc. Now that has a nice ring to it - I can put it on all my business cards. Nothing like a 'title' to increase ones street cred.
This season of my life is almost coming to an end, and I can hardly wait! I'm really excited to see what God has in store for me. Its going to be exciting and fun, plus it would be nice to have some extra money for a change. 35-43K a year starting out of uni is sounding pretty good right now.
At the moment whilst I'm finishing up my degree I'm on two weeks break from church commitments and boy, does it feel good. To just be able to turn up to service and just sit there like a sponge and get fed. Not having to think about how everyone is going to get home or be thinking of stratagies - it makes such a difference. This time is for me to focus on my uni work and focus on my own walk with God. This is offical 'me' time.
This week has been so good! I've had so much fun hanging out with friends and meeting heaps of new friends, dancing all night, opt shopping (I've never laughed so hard paying the bill!), and also just being at church and serving to name a few. Somewhere in the middle of it I managed to finish a huge 50% assignment too! I'm feeling so blessed.
Tonight we had Church Together. It was so awesome. To see all the people worshipping God together in such a public place, God is really doing something great in Perth and I have been so blessed to be a part of it. I am so refreshed and excited! I can't believe how good God is. For this I am sure, He makes no mistakes in anything He does - He has been soo good and faithful to me.
This season's goal is in sight right now and I am having too much fun to stop!
Watch out Tiger: Reeze, Ruth and I.
This season of my life is almost coming to an end, and I can hardly wait! I'm really excited to see what God has in store for me. Its going to be exciting and fun, plus it would be nice to have some extra money for a change. 35-43K a year starting out of uni is sounding pretty good right now.
At the moment whilst I'm finishing up my degree I'm on two weeks break from church commitments and boy, does it feel good. To just be able to turn up to service and just sit there like a sponge and get fed. Not having to think about how everyone is going to get home or be thinking of stratagies - it makes such a difference. This time is for me to focus on my uni work and focus on my own walk with God. This is offical 'me' time.
This week has been so good! I've had so much fun hanging out with friends and meeting heaps of new friends, dancing all night, opt shopping (I've never laughed so hard paying the bill!), and also just being at church and serving to name a few. Somewhere in the middle of it I managed to finish a huge 50% assignment too! I'm feeling so blessed.
Tonight we had Church Together. It was so awesome. To see all the people worshipping God together in such a public place, God is really doing something great in Perth and I have been so blessed to be a part of it. I am so refreshed and excited! I can't believe how good God is. For this I am sure, He makes no mistakes in anything He does - He has been soo good and faithful to me.
This season's goal is in sight right now and I am having too much fun to stop!
Love's biggest fan.
"So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."Okay I admit it. I am a sucker for a good romance. Like Cinderella who's lost shoe brought her prince, Rapunzel who let down her golden hair, and Snow white who was awaken by her prince charming's kiss, the whole lot - I love it.
- Genesis 20:29
Lately Gods been singing love songs to me. God is always out to show us how much He loves us, but lately its been quite blantantly obvious to me. Everything I've been hearing has been God speaking to me about how much He loves me, and how much he values me. Its awesome, especially considering how I've been feeling the past couple weeks.
You know after everything thats been said and done, I'm still love's biggest fan. I know God has placed aside someone great for me, someone who is going to bring out the best in me and I in him; to be his helper most suitable. I am so excited about what God has in store, it is only going to get better from here!
Till then I am going to enjoy every moment of being single, living life to the fullest in God's house, and being passionate about the things I care about. Summer is just around the corner and I can hardly wait - its going to be awesome.
His ways are higher.
Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.Something has just clicked inside of me.
You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony.
- Colossians 3:12-14 (New Living Translation)
I can't quite explain it other than an intense sense of peace in my heart. Every last bit of bitterness, hurt and anger I may of had harboured in my heart about what had happened seems to no longer remain. My heart is just filled with Gods love right now and I am so humbled. God has enabled me to honestly forgive him and now I am able move forward from this.
I don't know why what happened had happened, but I know Gods got a purpose and plan for me and that His ways are higher than mine. He can see a bigger picture that I cannot. He knows my paths, and just like a tiny peice in the jigsaw puzzle, in hindsight I know I am going to look back and realise why this has happened as it did.
From day one this relationship belonged to God. I had committed it to Him, this relationship was His, for His Will and purpose. This relationship is His to glorify Him in everyway possible. I know this for certain, that for whatever reason (higher than mine) it was God who brought this to relationship into being. Though as saddened as I am that things didn't work out, I do also realise we are given free will and it is our choice what we do with the things God preciously places in our hands.
I know the other person involved is still a great guy, and though some not so great choices had been made I still respect him and what had happened doesn't define him and who he is. I know God has an awesome plan and purpose for him also. God gives and He takes away, but there is always a Plan B. I pray the aftermath continues to Glorify God in every single way.
All I can think about how excited I am about the future, about His purpose and destiny for me. All I can think about is how good God is all of the time, and how He is doing a good work in me. Hes been molding me, growing me, pushing me through this tough place and as painful and challenging as its been, I feel like I have come through this transformed. Its as if my capacity to love has grown, and instead of pulling back in fear of getting hurt again - I just want to love more.
God is soo good. He loves me so much, He makes me feel so beautiful, He makes me feel valued, He honors and cherishes me. He is my source and He totally completes me. I am nothing without Him. I just want to bask in His presense all the time. I am so excited for what is to come, for I know His ways for me are higher and they are so good!
Thank you God, for your ways are higher than mine - I want your ways.
Someone else's princess.
I feel I can get off this rollercoaster now and step back onto solid ground.
My heart has been on this emotional rollercoaster the past 2 months and finally the ride has finished. I can finally feel normal again, I can stop being a mess of disspointment and hurt and be my normal lovable self. I can breathe again.
I have come full circle and here I am, single again. I am so dissapointed, but I'm also so relieved. Noone should have to go through what I've been through, no princess of God deserves to be treated any less than a princess.
Those of you who know me well know what advice I tend to give, in terms of relationships: if they are not treating you deserve to be treated, they're not worth it. I'm usually one to practise what I preach, but the past 2 weeks I've been playing devils advocate. Why? Not because I kept making excuses for him that he might change but because I wanted to offer grace. A chance and opportunity to change, but how much grace do you offer till enough is enough? As much as I wanted this to work - I just needed to let go, for my sake and for his. My heart just couldn't take this beating anymore.
In Genesis 20:29 it says:
I am so dissapointed, shocked and confused by his actions. But I know I can't change who he is or how he feels about me, all I can do is change me. To change my attitude and change my perspective. I could be so bitter and angry right now. Everything in my flesh wants to hurt as I have been hurt, but I am not going to choose that.
I choose not to be bitter, I choose not to be angry, I choose to not hurt, and I choose not to keep a record of wrongs. If anything I choose to love more. I choose to love the way I want to be loved - passionately and without fear. I love because I can not hate, I love because I can not hurt, I love because love covers a multiple of sins and I love because God loved me first.
God is so merciful. He has been so merciful to me in my insecurity and upset. He has been my comforter, He's consoled me in my tears and has poured out His love on me. And though I keep questioning God why this has happened to me. Why this? Why him? He as really put a peace in my heart, secured me to His heart and has reminded me many times that I belong to only Him.
All I ever wanted is to be treated with care and compassion and to love and be loved.
My heart has been on this emotional rollercoaster the past 2 months and finally the ride has finished. I can finally feel normal again, I can stop being a mess of disspointment and hurt and be my normal lovable self. I can breathe again.
I have come full circle and here I am, single again. I am so dissapointed, but I'm also so relieved. Noone should have to go through what I've been through, no princess of God deserves to be treated any less than a princess.
Those of you who know me well know what advice I tend to give, in terms of relationships: if they are not treating you deserve to be treated, they're not worth it. I'm usually one to practise what I preach, but the past 2 weeks I've been playing devils advocate. Why? Not because I kept making excuses for him that he might change but because I wanted to offer grace. A chance and opportunity to change, but how much grace do you offer till enough is enough? As much as I wanted this to work - I just needed to let go, for my sake and for his. My heart just couldn't take this beating anymore.
In Genesis 20:29 it says:
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.Jacob loved Rachel so much that he worked for 7 years for her, and he was so passionate about her that those 7 years only felt like nothing! Nothing was too much because he loved her and cared for her. This is what passionate love is about, and this is how God loves us. He pursues us because He loves us so passionately and wants a relationship with us. And this is how I deserve to be loved and treated.
I am so dissapointed, shocked and confused by his actions. But I know I can't change who he is or how he feels about me, all I can do is change me. To change my attitude and change my perspective. I could be so bitter and angry right now. Everything in my flesh wants to hurt as I have been hurt, but I am not going to choose that.
I choose not to be bitter, I choose not to be angry, I choose to not hurt, and I choose not to keep a record of wrongs. If anything I choose to love more. I choose to love the way I want to be loved - passionately and without fear. I love because I can not hate, I love because I can not hurt, I love because love covers a multiple of sins and I love because God loved me first.
God is so merciful. He has been so merciful to me in my insecurity and upset. He has been my comforter, He's consoled me in my tears and has poured out His love on me. And though I keep questioning God why this has happened to me. Why this? Why him? He as really put a peace in my heart, secured me to His heart and has reminded me many times that I belong to only Him.
All I ever wanted is to be treated with care and compassion and to love and be loved.
Letting go.
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it's the realisation that I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome in not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to scold, nag or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticise and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
She's so vunerable, like china in my hands.
Wow, has this week been interesting one for me to say the least.
For one thing I'm remebering what its like to care about someone so much it hurts, and to hurt so much I feel physically sick. Its amazing what the body can do when its put under psychological stress. I don't think I would want to wish on anyone what I've been going through and feeling this week.
But from everything theres always a lesson to be learned, and I thought I might share what I have learned this week:
For one thing I'm remebering what its like to care about someone so much it hurts, and to hurt so much I feel physically sick. Its amazing what the body can do when its put under psychological stress. I don't think I would want to wish on anyone what I've been going through and feeling this week.
But from everything theres always a lesson to be learned, and I thought I might share what I have learned this week:
1. Communication is important to me - it is key to the growth of any relationship.Yep. I had a lot to learn this week. Thank God for wise counsel in a great friend who offered a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Words can not express how much I love and appreciate her.
2. God won't take away the pain, Hes not a drug. But He will give me strategies and be a source of comfort and big strong arms to run to.
3. Everything is God's - including my relationships to submit back to Him and for Him to do as He Wills. Hold everything He gives you lightly.
4. Who I marry is so important. Its a life time of waking up to the same person for the rest of my life. I need to objectively looking at his character, actions and how he reacts in different situations and seriously consider if this guy is someone I can run the rest of my life with.
5. Prioritys within marriage should be as follows: God > Family > Work.
6. It is not okay to put down people, and especially if its about what makes that person them. For example saying to someone "Don't be so sensitive!" - if that person is naturally a sensitive person, you are putting them down and who God has created them to be.
7. I can only operate and flourish when I am feeling secure and loved. I deserved to be treated like a princess, to be treated with love and care and for this I am not compromising for anyone.
8. A relationship begins in dating - not in marriage. Marriage is a committed continuation of that relationship.
9. Dating is setting the foundations and tone of a marriage (if eventually there is one). It is to be taken with much thought and seriousness.
10. How we act and conduct ourselves in a dating relationship is an indicator of how we will act and conduct ourselves in marriage. If things are annoying you when you are dating and you don't work through them, they are going to annoy you even more in a marriage plus you have to deal with it for the rest of your life.
Communicating my quality time.
Tonight at Club180, our new christians program, we did a lesson on friendship with God. Its a great lesson and I love doing it - it makes me remember each time how easy it is to have a relationship with Him. Its just like having a friend: you spend time with Him, talk to Him and listen to Him. Who could of guessed having a relationship with God would be so easy?
As I was driving home I was thinking about this: Just as the same principal applys to God, that is, the more you develop your relationship with Him by spending time, talking (praying) and listening to Him, relationships with others is exactly the same, its all about communication.
Communication is so important for growing a relationship, and for someone whose love language is quality time, it is even more so. So how does effective communication work in fulfilling my love language of quality time? Well, I feel loved when I talk to my friends, when we spend quality time together talking and sharing each others lives, but I also feel loved when even though my girlfriend and I are both very busy that she still has time to send me a quick email to say hello, or a quick call to let me know where she is or just a text message to touch base with me.
Its little communicative things like that that lets me know that though we are busy, shes still thinking of me. Communication to me are little sacrifices of time and thought to let each other know they are on our minds and reminders that we are still in sync togeather, still walking the same walk.
Communication, no matter how small is important. And just like how we develop our relationship with God, by taking time out for each other - we are building the blocks of great relationships.
You are only going to recieve what you put in.
As I was driving home I was thinking about this: Just as the same principal applys to God, that is, the more you develop your relationship with Him by spending time, talking (praying) and listening to Him, relationships with others is exactly the same, its all about communication.
Communication is so important for growing a relationship, and for someone whose love language is quality time, it is even more so. So how does effective communication work in fulfilling my love language of quality time? Well, I feel loved when I talk to my friends, when we spend quality time together talking and sharing each others lives, but I also feel loved when even though my girlfriend and I are both very busy that she still has time to send me a quick email to say hello, or a quick call to let me know where she is or just a text message to touch base with me.
Its little communicative things like that that lets me know that though we are busy, shes still thinking of me. Communication to me are little sacrifices of time and thought to let each other know they are on our minds and reminders that we are still in sync togeather, still walking the same walk.
Communication, no matter how small is important. And just like how we develop our relationship with God, by taking time out for each other - we are building the blocks of great relationships.
You are only going to recieve what you put in.
The point of grace.
Grace = Undeserved acceptance and love received from another.The annoying thing with feeling hurt or dissapointed is that it always makes me want to pull back. Whether its pulling back emotionally or physically, you'll know something is wrong if I'm holding you at arms length.
And what is even more annoying is that I know I have a tendancy to do this, which means I am accountable for my actions. This also means I just can't claim ignorance to it anymore! But thats the thing with having soft and open hearts, they are easy to hurt. Which is why guarding your heart is so important - but its also finding the balance which can be the tricky part.
Jewel courageously sings in her song Innocence Maintained:
"I want to live bravely and love without fear,I love that line in that song. Thats exactly how I want to be. I want to live bravely and love without fear of being hurt or dissapointed always ready to offer grace. I want to have more grace for those who hurt me or dissapoint me. I need to have more grace for others because God loved me first and gave me grace where I know I definately didn't deserve it.
I want to always feel the wings of grace near..."
I also know that it is when I am feeling hurt or dissapointed rather than pulling away, I need to be pushing out.
