God's love and faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. It really doesn't. Sometimes when I feel like I'm floundering, and I'm at the end of that tether - He'll come and pull me right back in.

Thats what God does, He loves us so much that the moment that we start to drift He will do all He can to get us back right with Him. I guess the breaking point is here whether you chose to listen to Him. God disciplines those He loves, boy don't I know it; but I am so thankful He does.

I guess I've made it no secret how hard I find leadership. The amount of times I've wanted to quit - I can't even remember, its been that many times. I've almost perfected all my excuses: "I'm not wise enough!", "I can't relate to the age group!", "I'm not a leadership type of person!" - "If they would just take me off, then my life would be sooOOoo much easier!"

This week was no exception - except this time I was definately going to go through with it, I was going to ask to get taken off. It had gotten to the point where I was feeling physically sick from stress, and depressed.

"This couldn't be God's will for me," I thought, "God would never want me to feel like this, it shouldn't be this hard, I shouldn't be struggling this much, I feel so burdened... Maybe new christians just isn't my calling... this isn't God will for me!!"

I could almost see my perspective starting to shrink smaller, and soon enough it wasn't about growing Gods people anymore but me. How I felt, where I was called, how tired and emotionally drained I was feeling. My perspective turned from an grateful outwards perspective to one that was pointing inwards, basically: Me, me, me, me!

All I can say is thank God for wise council. The truth can hurt, but the truth will also set you free and wise council brought me new perspective. I had to realise it wasn't about me, and it wasn't about me feeling like this is a job too big for me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! All I have to do is be faithful, make myself a vessel to be used and God would do the rest! His yoke is light and easy!

John Fischer says it best in his Purpose Driven Life devotional:

Do you realize how privileged you are to be on a mission? That means you are important to God. You are a part of His plan. You can't blow this off. You can't say you are worthless, and for God's sake, you can't take your life, because you are important to God, to us, and to the mission. In fact, if you are having severe problems and struggles right now, that means you are needed even more.

You see this is the type of mission no one is excused from. Deeper struggle only makes surviving that much more crucial. Remember? This isn't about you. We're not only talking about you making it. We're talking about the mission that you will have, making it - the reach your experience will have into the real lives of others struggling with the same things.

Tonight at church God spoke to me again in Pastor Gerads message: God wants me to use what he has given me in my hand. It is where God positions you that he wants you to grow - not where you feel you should be (in my case it was off leadership and free from responsibility!).

Am I called to be where I am? Of course.

Is this God's Will for me? Most definately.

Am I grateful? Absolutely.