Wisdom.
God knows how much more I need of it.
Every time I think I'm starting to have it all together, I manage to disprove myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am way over my head in where I am serving at church. Can I possibly do this? Surely there is someone more capable... Infact I know there are many others more capable. So why me? Why have me stumble along when there is someone more efficient to do the job? Surely this is too important and too much is at stake to entrust this to someone who doesn't really know exactly what she is doing...
I guess its something that really God only knows. I never asked to do this, and sometimes the challenge of it even makes me wish I wasn't. But if God can use me full of faults and silliness, then so be it. I am amateur but willing. God gives and takes away. And if He decides to take away, its all good. Who I am isn't so entwined with this title that it is my identity.
Maybe my prayers have been answered all along. That in telling God I want to do something awesome for Him in this life, where everyday is a huge step of faith and desperation, He's telling me He's done it. Here I am expecting something huge and amiable, and He's just saying: "Yeah, this is it."
I reply: "What do you mean 'this is it'?? This can't be it! Where is the persecution, dying to self and the whole miracles sense of 'I'm-living-on-a-prayer-and-if-You-don't-pull-through-now-its-all-going-to-fall'?"
He says: "You're living it right now."
Whoa. Okay, now this is freaking me out.
"How can I be living it right now? Surely I was born for something great..."
He says: "You are. You are doing it right now. Ushering people into the Kingdom of God, is that not great? Responding to salvations, is that not great? Caring for the new Christian babies in my intensive care, who will one day be the next Christine Caines' and Joyce Myers' of the world, is that not great?"
" ... "
He continues: "If you don't see the greatness in what you are doing now, how can I give you more? What you are doing now is so important. Its more important than what you will ever realise on this side of eternity.
Look after my sheep. Look after them with such faith in who I have planned for them to become. Look after them with such a passion for them to know Me. Care for them with such a desperation for them to stay on the path I have laid out for them. And pray for them like everything depends on Me.
Is not what I am asking of you great?
Is not what I am asking of you going to and has already cost you something?"
Thank you God for your Grace, encouragement and your gentle conviction to do better.
Every time I think I'm starting to have it all together, I manage to disprove myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am way over my head in where I am serving at church. Can I possibly do this? Surely there is someone more capable... Infact I know there are many others more capable. So why me? Why have me stumble along when there is someone more efficient to do the job? Surely this is too important and too much is at stake to entrust this to someone who doesn't really know exactly what she is doing...
I guess its something that really God only knows. I never asked to do this, and sometimes the challenge of it even makes me wish I wasn't. But if God can use me full of faults and silliness, then so be it. I am amateur but willing. God gives and takes away. And if He decides to take away, its all good. Who I am isn't so entwined with this title that it is my identity.
Maybe my prayers have been answered all along. That in telling God I want to do something awesome for Him in this life, where everyday is a huge step of faith and desperation, He's telling me He's done it. Here I am expecting something huge and amiable, and He's just saying: "Yeah, this is it."
I reply: "What do you mean 'this is it'?? This can't be it! Where is the persecution, dying to self and the whole miracles sense of 'I'm-living-on-a-prayer-and-if-You-don't-pull-through-now-its-all-going-to-fall'?"
He says: "You're living it right now."
Whoa. Okay, now this is freaking me out.
"How can I be living it right now? Surely I was born for something great..."
He says: "You are. You are doing it right now. Ushering people into the Kingdom of God, is that not great? Responding to salvations, is that not great? Caring for the new Christian babies in my intensive care, who will one day be the next Christine Caines' and Joyce Myers' of the world, is that not great?"
" ... "
He continues: "If you don't see the greatness in what you are doing now, how can I give you more? What you are doing now is so important. Its more important than what you will ever realise on this side of eternity.
Look after my sheep. Look after them with such faith in who I have planned for them to become. Look after them with such a passion for them to know Me. Care for them with such a desperation for them to stay on the path I have laid out for them. And pray for them like everything depends on Me.
Is not what I am asking of you great?
Is not what I am asking of you going to and has already cost you something?"
Thank you God for your Grace, encouragement and your gentle conviction to do better.
